Waiting for the world to change

Last night, I undertipped my cap driver by a dollar, then burst into tears when I walked into my apartment building because I felt so guilty about it. (To be fair, it was 2:30 in the morning and I was kind of delirious). I feel like, lately, I'm in a constant battle with myself between living from a place of openness or defensiveness. I guess this weekend was a lesson in the former - both Cindy and Doug bought a meal for me, they accompanied me on a rather epic journey in pursuit of a Crazy Creek, and, I don't know, just in general, acquainted me with some of the little human kindnesses that are possible. They usually do. And I feel really lucky to know them.
And listening to NPR on my 1,000 hour drive was kind of inspiring, too - I mean, all of the things in the world to try and to learn about - spices from Zanzibar and parrots from California and Dick Cheney...